Turning Point

Yesterday something happened.

While it was not what I had wanted to happen, I was moderately ok with what did happen.

In the past, my first reaction would have been to attempt to exert some sort of ham handed control over these events, circumstances, trends and the people ancillary to them.

How did that work out?

People ended up hating me.

Courts locked me up.

Not one person involved came out better for the situation.

One of the things that I am learning since coming into the rooms of AA is that I don't have any control over people, places, and things and when I think I do, the results are only negative.

Yesterday marked the first time on my journey into sobriety that I didn't engage in the aforementioned behavior which for me, was revolutionary.

For a single moment I stopped and did nothing.

For a single moment I was just there with my circumstances.

For a single moment I just existed with all of it.

What I did was acknowledge it for what it was - a court ruling. Then I finished my coffee and made a few phone calls to people who I thought should know. They summation of those conversations went something like "Well that sucks. I hope you are OK and we are here for you."

This is a single court ruling in one of many misdemeanor cases in the unfortunate history of a single human, one of billions that currently suck oxygen on a tiny blue planet orbiting a small yellow star in the backwaters of a typical galaxy in the expanse of one of an infinite number of realities that exist in the mind of G-d.

I am nothing special.

There will be those who claim that I am a terrible human being and should have all manner of terrible thing done to me as a result.

They are probably correct.

Or not.

They are is free to voice their threats and opinions and thoughts and views.

In that same freedom, I am able to acknowledge those things for what they are: ones and zeroes stored on computers.

They are nothing more.

It only has power over me if I let it.

In the words of our Serenity Prayer: "May G-d grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Truly the only thing I have the power to change is myself.

G-d, please give me the courage to do so.

Be well, do good work and keep in touch.

Ten Minutes Of My Thoughts...

What is that bird looking at?

That squirrel across the street is eating a giant pine cone. He makes it look REALLY good, like it's a corn dog or something.

Canada.

This chair smells like cheese.

When I die, will I want to to be stuffed, mounted and put on display like a trophy moose?

Pleated pants are beneath human dignity.

It's funny to think I have any dignity.

If we can teach a parrot to talk, why can't we teach a monkey to talk?

Most of my friends are drunks, hookers, felons and cokeheads. Thank G-d for that.

Pigeons in the street are called vermin and people hate them. Pigeons in fancy restaurants are called squab and sold for $50 apiece.

I miss Jeremy.

My favorite word to say over and over is "foyer."

My grandmother just might be the secret love child of Nikola Tesla and Mae West.

Porn.

As a synesthete, my favorite tasting word is sunshine.

There are 4,723 bricks in the wall across from me right now.

Porn.

No one will ever love me the way I never loved me.

Before I use the bathroom at night, I still check behind the shower curtain for monsters.

Sometimes I wish I would win the lottery. Then I am glad that I will never win the lottery.

I can feel neutrinos passing through me right this very second.

Porn.

What type of leather couch do I want to get?

Corgi or Great Dane or Bulldog- which is the cutest?

Coffee is a weird word.

My fingers sort of look like knobby sausages.

Finger is a weird word.