Friday, January 27, 2012

Ten Minutes Of My Thoughts...

What is that bird looking at?

That squirrel across the street is eating a giant pine cone. He makes it look REALLY good, like it's a corn dog or something.


This chair smells like cheese.

When I die, will I want to to be stuffed, mounted and put on display like a trophy moose?

Pleated pants are beneath human dignity.

It's funny to think I have any dignity.

If we can teach a parrot to talk, why can't we teach a monkey to talk?

Most of my friends are drunks, hookers, felons and cokeheads. Thank G-d for that.

Pigeons in the street are called vermin and people hate them. Pigeons in fancy restaurants are called squab and sold for $50 apiece.

I miss Jeremy.

My favorite word to say over and over is "foyer."

My grandmother just might be the secret love child of Nikola Tesla and Mae West.


As a synesthete, my favorite tasting word is sunshine.

There are 4,723 bricks in the wall across from me right now.


No one will ever love me the way I never loved me.

Before I use the bathroom at night, I still check behind the shower curtain for monsters.

Sometimes I wish I would win the lottery. Then I am glad that I will never win the lottery.

I can feel neutrinos passing through me right this very second.


What type of leather couch do I want to get?

Corgi or Great Dane or Bulldog- which is the cutest?

Coffee is a weird word.

My fingers sort of look like knobby sausages.

Finger is a weird word.

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