In AA and other 12-step programs modeled after AA it is suggested that those wishing to embark on a program of recovery embrace these three things.
Honesty is listed first and I believe that is not an accident, as for me, honesty is the one thing I struggle with the most.
The last 20 years of my life has been a sad, pathetic attempt to find peace, stability and acceptance through making myself into a different person. Different names, different places, different identities. I thought that if I could just assemble the right list of attributes - military veteran, lawyer, multilingual, well-traveled, educated - and then tell a sufficient number of people, it would "become" true.
The problem with this approach is that people are not lists. Lists are two dimensional things. People are multi-dimensional.
Invariably the end result of this fabrication and deceit was that those whom I started out trying to impress and engage with ended up feeling betrayed by and wanted nothing to do with me.
For several weeks now, I have been involving myself in #OccupyDenver, the local manifestation of the global #OccupyWallStreet movement. I don't march or demonstrate much. I prefer to be in the "kitchen" we have set up and hand out food and water to thirsty and hungry people.
Last weekend, this came across Twitter.
Quite immediately I went into a small panic. How would I respond? What would I say? Right then and there I knew that I did not have the ability to respond properly.
I took a breath.
I asked God to guide my fingers.
My fingers, seemingly not under my own direction, tapped out this in response.
I didn't know what was going to happen when I went back to the park the next morning, but I made myself go.
That next morning I spoke with the young lady who asked about it. She said she was glad I am honest and am doing better.
The Denver Post, which is no stranger to my story, breathlessly reported that I had "resurfaced" and the post got minor play on the Twitter.
Since then, other things have happened.
So, what is my lesson is all this?
What insight can I gain from this going forward?
This lesson that I am getting from this, perhaps 20 years to late or perhaps at EXACTLY the right time, is this:
The degree to which I am honest and open with the Universe is directly related to how much I am accepted by the same Universe.
That is all I need at this moment.
Be well, do good work and keep in touch.